A Few Favorite Books - Conscious Parenting
Today, I thought I would share five of my favorite books on conscious parenting! If you are new to the idea of conscious parenting, you can check out this post or this one for an introduction. For those of you who have been following my blog for a bit of time, you likely have a sense of how important the shift to conscious parenting has been for our family and countless others. It is a process. It is an art more than a science. And it requires a good deal of awareness, patience, and resolve—but we have found it to be well worth the effort. So let’s get to it, shall we?
THE AWAKENED FAMILY BY SHEFALI TSABARY.
This book is the perfect balance between an informative read and a practical one. Tsabary identifies several popular myths of traditional parenting and replaces them with deeper insights. One example of a myth she mentions? Parenting is about raising a happy child. Wait, what? Tsabary is good! She also discusses the essential shifts necessary to heal ourselves so that we are less likely to pass down our wounds to our children. These shifts are my favorite section of the book.
SAMPLE CHAPTER TITLES (JUST A FEW)
From MIndless Reaction to Mindful Presence
From Enmeshment to Autonomy
From Discipline to Enlightened Boundaries
Note: I am constantly picking up this book. Sometimes it is to ground me in how I desire to show up for my children, and sometimes it is to remind me of how I want to BE for me! This book is my MVP!
QUOTES
“Acceptance of the present moment doesn’t mean you are passive or resigned to things. It simply means that the sting of the emotional charge is taken out of the situation. Sure, you can correct your child and even assertively create boundaries if these are needed, but the entire exchange is executed without adding in the emotional charge of fear, panic, shame, or guilt.”
“Each of us longs not only to be validated but also to be honored for who we are at this moment. When who we are actually feels unseen or unheard because we are constantly being compared with some external standard, such as someone else’s notion of our potential, we feel frustrated and, if it continues, resentful. Our children feel hurt when we fail to see them for who they are. For this reason, it’s important for us to examine whether we impose our expectations on our children and, by doing so, take them out of the present moment and into a disconnected state of wanting to be someone other than who they are.”
“A sense of our children’s worth flourishes when the way we look at them, the way we listen to them, and the way we speak to them reflect just how lovable they are. This is how we empower them.”
OUT OF CONTROL: WHY DISCIPLINING YOUR CHILD DOESN’T WORK AND WHAT WILL BY SHEFALI TSABARY.
This book was John’s favorite of the three books written by Shefali Tsabary. It is practical and to the point.
SAMPLE CHAPTER TITLES (JUST A FEW)
The Hidden Reason We Discipline
Why Do Children Bully?
What to Do When Your Child Shuts You Out?
Is What You Are Asking Fair?
How to Respond to Respond to a Teen Who Rebels?
Note: This is the type of book you can open up in a pinch to get a grounded approach to complicated situations that arise every day.
QUOTES
“When we engage our children from the belief that child discipline is a vital aspect of our role as parents, we assume our children are inherently undisciplined and need to be civilized.”
“The patterns of behavior we witness in childhood become the template for our own way of parenting. “
“When it comes to accepting ourselves as imperfect, we set the tone for our children. The degree to which they accept their imperfections tends to be the degree to which we honor and accept our own.”
“Children are naturally resourceful and only require our guidance, not our manipulation.”
3. MITTEN STRINGS FOR GOD, THE GIFT OF AN ORDINARY DAY, AND MAGICAL JOURNEY BY KATRINA KENISON
You are right. There are actually three books listed here. Begin the parenting journey with Katrina Kenison when her two boys are just starting out in elementary school. Join Kenison as she muses and reflects on how to show up fully during the tumults of childhood. By the time we delve into The Gift of an Ordinary Day (you can watch the video here but it may make you cry!), the boys are now navigating their middle school years. All the aches, pains, and beauty are wrapped up together here, as it should be. Katrina is evolving too and change is in the air. The last book focuses on the boys in high school and just how unpredictable life can be. There is loss, rediscovery, healing, reckoning, heartbreak, and magic in Magical Journey. Just a note—Katrina Kenison is a BEAUTIFUL writer. Wise. Warm. Real. She feels like a dear friend and a mentor. I really can’t overstate what she has meant to me in my journey.
QUOTES
“No, we cannot turn back the hands of time. But as the overworked, exhausted parents of a generation of busy, overstimulated children, we can slow down the pace of daily life in our own homes.”
“We want to shield our children from pain, and what we get instead is life and heartache and lessons that bring us to our knees. Sooner or later we are handed the brute, necessary curriculum of surrender. We have no choice, then but to bow our heads and learn. We struggle to accept that our children’s destinies are not ours to write, their battles, not ours to fight, their bruises, not ours to bear, nor their victories ours to own or take credit for.”
4. SIMPLICITY PARENTING: USING THE EXTRAORDINARY POWER OF LESS TO RAISE CALMER, HAPPIER, AND MORE SECURE KIDS BY KIM JOHN PAYNE.
Are your children stressed out, reactive, and always overwhelmed? Or do you want to feel more focused in your time at home with your children? I enjoyed the process of reflecting on how our home environment may have been contributing to extra stress we were feeling, or how we could create a feeling of greater stability by creating daily rituals and rhythms, or how a daily quiet time might benefit both me and the children.
5. CALM AND COMPASSIONATE CHILDREN BY SUSAN ERSHA DERMOND.
I read this book along with Mitten Strings for God when my children were still quite young. Some parenting books can be overwhelming—but this book was so incredibly calming. There is not a lot to process or work through with this book. It is simple, gentle, and kind.
SAMPLE CHAPTER TITLES (JUST A FEW)
Nature Awakens Feeling
Music to Soothe
The Power of Story
EXTRA: Several years ago, John and I recorded a Mormon Transitions Podcast episode called “Creating a Family Culture”. So much of what I was learning and reading in the books I have listed above inspired me to look at our family life with greater intention.
Parenting has been one of the most challenging and rewarding journeys of my life. It has brought me to my knees and allowed me to fly. As our children are growing into young adulthood, I have discovered that parenting never ends! It may change form but our relationship with our children is here to stay. So why not focus on cultivating healthy connection, mutual respect and growth, and healing?